recently i’ve found myself looking for meaning. for rituals. for something to tether myself to the world. i’ve been all over the place recently – and i may say that every week but it feels even more so now, especially since my work partner, my senior copywriter a, is leaving.
on one hand, i’m happy because she’ll finally be happy. a has been burnt out since i joined – barely six months into my stay, i remember leaving the office and retreating into an alcove with her while she cried and cried about how unappreciated she felt. i’m so tired, she said. now that she’s finally leaving, i swear there’s a spring in her step that wasn’t there before. and while i’m happy for her, i’m afraid for me, too. i wasn’t ready for her to leave one and a half years ago. i still am not. or maybe i am.
i haven’t made time for tarot recently. i’m scared i may be bored of it – but i still find it so interesting! i think it’s just that i made it the most important part of my life for a month or two, then became embarrassed to talk about it, especially since i don’t bring it up – it’s my art director who does, since she introduced me to it!
but i need this centering tonight. and while i’m bored with the waite smith deck – i’ve been waiting for the steampunk tarot and the wild unknown! haha – i need to write about this.
i’ll be doing a spread by the ace of stars tarot. it’s called where do i go from here. it sounds right. i’ve lit a candle. breathe.