soy candles & spices & introspection, finally

recently i’ve found myself looking for meaning. for rituals. for something to tether myself to the world. i’ve been all over the place recently – and i may say that every week but it feels even more so now, especially since my work partner, my senior copywriter a, is leaving.

on one hand, i’m happy because she’ll finally be happy. a has been burnt out since i joined – barely six months into my stay, i remember leaving the office and retreating into an alcove with her while she cried and cried about how unappreciated she felt. i’m so tired, she said. now that she’s finally leaving, i swear there’s a spring in her step that wasn’t there before. and while i’m happy for her, i’m afraid for me, too. i wasn’t ready for her to leave one and a half years ago. i still am not. or maybe i am.


i haven’t made time for tarot recently. i’m scared i may be bored of it – but i still find it so interesting! i think it’s just that i made it the most important part of my life for a month or two, then became embarrassed to talk about it, especially since i don’t bring it up – it’s my art director who does, since she introduced me to it!

but i need this centering tonight. and while i’m bored with the waite smith deck – i’ve been waiting for the steampunk tarot and the wild unknown! haha – i need to write about this.

i’ll be doing a spread by the ace of stars tarot. it’s called where do i go from here. it sounds right. i’ve lit a candle. breathe.



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Breaking free from the Eight of Swords

Today I drew the Eight of Swords. It shows a woman in red, on a muddy clay wasteland. She’s blindfolded, bound in rope, and surrounded by swords. Behind her is a river and beyond that is a castle on a hill. Is she a damsel in distress? Or simply a woman taken from where she feels most at home?

The Eight of Swords represents feeling trapped. Imprisoned by a fence of swords, blindfolded, and bound, she can’t even leave the place where she’s been trapped for hours, maybe even days. She knows that they’re surrounding her but doesn’t know how many there are; perhaps she collided into some swords in her first attempt at escaping but doesn’t want to risk getting cut on the blades again. So she isn’t testing her boundaries. Playing it safe, as it were.

But at the same time, I’ve noticed that her ropes have loosened, and she seems close to breaking free. Soon she can reach up, remove the blindfold, and finally see again. She’s moments away from freedom!

That said, I feel like the Eight of Swords is about being trapped in a hopeless situation — on the surface. That’s certainly what I thought the first time I saw it.

But what I’ve seen since is that it represents opening one’s eyes to the truth, regaining control of a desperate situation, and breaking free. And honestly,  I like making positive readings for what look like negative cards. Can I do this more often?

Daily draw for January 2, Saturday, drawn at 9:00AM.

Listening to the cards: An interview with the Waite-Smith deck

When I woke up this morning and reached for my cards, it took me a moment to realize that I had nothing to ask them.

Yesterday was my day of crisis — or, more accurately, the other day was, and only yesterday did I understand how to deal with it. (I also realize part of the reason I was so cranky may have been that my time of the month had arrived that same day, and god, it’s the most uncomfortable feeling.) Today, however, I woke up feeling, if not refreshed, clear-headed. So what was I supposed to do?

I looked through Beth’s blog posts on spreads to try, looking for something that didn’t require me to have any big question, and found one: a spread for interviewing your deck. I’ve always raised my eyebrows at the idea of interviewing a deck — what does it have to tell you, really? — but considering the fact the Waite-Smith deck is so new, and I’m handling it with kid gloves, maybe this is what I need to make it feel like it’s mine.

The deck interview tarot spread:
1. Tell me about yourself. What is your most important characteristic?
2. What are your strengths as a deck?
3. What are your limits as a deck?
4. What are you here to teach me?
5. How can I best learn and collaborate with you?
6. What is the potential outcome of our working relationship?

Here goes:

Continue reading “Listening to the cards: An interview with the Waite-Smith deck”